Maa… a very renowned word… Usually people call Mother, mom, mummy etc. For everyone on this earth, the meaning of mom is far more than anyone else. One gets a different feeling when he/she talks with or about his or her mom, obviously exceptions apart. I shall not be mistaken here for giving no importance to dad, rather it is just a level of comfort one has with mom. Obviously, for me my dad has an equal position to that of my mom. But, whenever I feel like talking something out of my mind, I prefer yelling it out at my mom. Yes, rightly written, yelling out, because you never dare yell out in front of your dad, he will take you the utmost level of discipline while talking. Obviously, here I have not considered the friends who are sometimes, in fact most of the times, closer to you than parents….. Anyways, this can be a well justified point of debate. But, we better don’t go into that.
Anyways, I remember I was so happy about me meeting my family after a span of five and half year that I spent without parents. I had a couple of good offers in hand from IT industry. But, I chose to be an electronics engineer and thus joined a renowned company in electronics sector for the sake of my career interest, alias my personal interest. I was more close to my family as I got my family shifted to the place where I had to join.
It is said very often that you start thinking or caring about something when you don’t have it or when you fear of losing it. Something very similar happened in the black month of August. The month is known for the great Leos (I am also Leo). The month is though known so great, but, this isn’t the truth. No Leos are great and above god. I was elated and very happy to be with my family after a long time. I was enjoying every bit of it, what can be better than mom’s hand food. Yummy and best among all the cuisines I had so far. Be it Chinese, Spanish, Thai, anything, mom’s food the best.
I had to start my services for my new office from 1st of august. I was ready and all set for the go. For no reason, or if any there was, I had no clue of, I got a call from HR informing me of my one month delayed joining in the month of September. I thought it was due to administrative reasons as told, but this was not the case. It was not the administration of the new company; it was from the administration of the boss of all, God. How? You all must be wondering, just read through, I will leave it on you to decide whether it was a god’s call or mere a myth of mine rather a mistake to consider it as a simple call from the personnel.
Same evening I sat with my parents discussing about how I will be spending one month of leave…. ha ha.. Leave even before joining. So, better call those dreamy days as summer vacations. I know it’s weird to be called as summer vacation in the month of August, but, anyways it was before the starting of a new session. Finally after a zestful discussion of about an hour or so, I decided to take tuitions for IIT students at a renowned institute. Salary was fixed and I started going for classes the very next day.
Suddenly, after a couple of days I got to know while returning from institute that my mom was being admitted to the hospital. In fact in the biggest hospital of the town, I guess it was Mallya Hospital. I was shocked, because I had left her smiling just a couple of hours back when I had gone for taking the classes. Nothing was coming to my mind; I was driving but didn’t have any clue of where I was driving to. I took a steep turn to move down the lane towards Mallya.
I rushed towards the reception breathlessly. I asked, “Where can I get Mrs. Pratibha?” She replied, “OT3”. Every thing was scattered in my mind, I was not able to realize whether it was a dreamt of situation or something happening in reality. I was infuriated. It was just that the life was folded within that very moment only. I finally found OT3; everyone around was just standing like a portrait; no one was speaking out anything.
I called my dad outside in the corridor, and had a couple of minute’s discussion with him. From what I got to know, it was a no big issue. My mom had suffered stomach ache a few times, and thus she was admitted there for a small surgery. I was more relaxed and calm, when I got to know that the surgeon is my cousin only. She came out after about an hour, every one vividly waiting for her to give a statement out. She had a smile on her face, and so all of us did then follow her smile; it was a sign of no tension.
Very much relieved, I approached her. And, I told her my situation while I was driving through the traffic when I had got the call from hospital. She said, it was very normal thing and is done now. Just a couple of days and mom will be back home, cooking same delicious food for me. Moving out of her chamber, I went to the post operative ward, momma lying down on bed, just looking at everyone around, in fact in a happier way. I just thought within myself, “Mom, at least not now. You just had a surgery”. Anyways, I too smiled. So, now, you would say such a small thing and a 3 page story. Huh, friends, the story is yet to begin. This is just the Prologue. But, I had got just a clue of, why my joining to new office was delayed. Do you also? But, I asked god, just for this, one month holiday. I thought I would be going back to take tuitions now after a couple of days. But, this didn’t happen.
The day when she was about to be discharged, she said she is having gastric trouble. We were casual, and so were the doctors. But, this was not such simple problem. When diagnosed, my cousin called me inside and showed something I never saw. My mom was taken directly to the OT3 again. Dad was clueless, so was I, but exactly after I went inside and discussed the issue with the doctor. What I saw was, every vein inside her body was oozing out blood. Yes, every vein. And, a huge amount of blood was getting accumulated inside her stomach.
Doctor immediately moved out to get ready for a yet again task of their, one more operation for them, but, for me it was more than anything, I was getting clues now, something was wrong. But, I did not know what exactly. I was told to sign a risk agreeing document before the operation. Doctor said, may be any of the closing during the operation earlier was left open, though the chances were rare, but still. A nurse came out and gave me a slip. Just one sentence written on it, “12 Units of Blood group B+ve”. I started calling everyone I knew, for help. Because, that day, I remember, was 14th of August, an eve before our independence day. And, eventually, the state’s Chief Minister was in town, and unfortunately, shared same blood group as of my mom. So, all blood banks refused to give away even a single unit. So, I started shuffling the diaries and contacts that were available with me. I made around 50 calls. Thanks to all the people who turned up in no time. We could get 16 units of Blood that day.
After 6 hours of surgery, finally, it was 0200hrs on 15th of August; doctor came out and said everything is fine; and, giving me an indication to follow them alone. I followed them to the ICU, no one outside knew this. I was shocked and stunned after looking at a person lying on a corner bed in ICU. A lady was lying all covered with uncountable wires, syringes and many types of equipment around, which I saw for the first time ever in my life. Continuous supply of oxygen on. All of sudden, I got someone whispering in my ears, that’s your mom. What???? I was almost faint. It took me 5 minutes to realize. I said, God you can’t do this to me. Cousin said, it’s a disease called “Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation” wherein the body starts oozing out blood. And, it was a multi-organ failure. She was on ventilator and life saving drugs. I was told only a miracle can save her. In this disease you even can not give medicines, just wait and watch. Her liver had got infection as well. Just a costlier test (one test costs 600Rs) was done every 10 minutes to analyze the situation and discuss with US and UK doctors. I remember this test was done 800 times in total.
The blood was continuously draining out. I remember it was 300ml every hour. So, the 14 units out of 16 we provided were going to last not more than another 13-14 hours. Doctor gave me the situation as 99% death and 1% chance to survive. And, just imagine, how I had to pretend to the people outside, as if nothing has happened and everything is quite ok. I did same and had to leave for getting 20 units of platelets and plasma (required for slowing down the ooze rate) as doctors told me after consulting US and UK experts. This was supposed to be brought afresh because of some properties of its contents. I did not understand much even a bit of biology.
I was so damn tired after the entire day walkathon. But, the moment I was told to get the desired blood contents, I enquired how to go about it. My family friend got agreed to come along. We had to drive 300Kms, to a blood bank which had such facility to provide what we needed. It was 0300hrs by then. We left, it was raining heavily. I started driving with just one thing in my mind that I need to return back ASAP to save my mom as I could sense her going far away from us in no time we could realize. I was not able to make where the hell road was. But still, I was driving. I would just say one thing, from the entire drive of 3:30hrs, I just remember 30 minutes of driving I did. I slept while driving this is what I know. But, still we were on road. I did not know how. But, I realized, though I was physically seating on the driver seat, there was something else which was driving me virtually, my god… I believed him. I don’t remember when I reached the blood bank driving through heavy rains and that too in just 3:30 hrs wherein it was a distance which was usually traveled in 6 hours because of the road and traffic. We were back to hospital at 1030hrs in the morning. My mom was sleeping. I was all in tears when I saw her again. I just prayed to god and asked him to not to be so cruel and send back my mom as we all needed her desperately then how much god needed her. I told everyone outside just to pray for her speedy recovery. I know I again pretended.
It was then prayers all around. My mom was a teacher then. Every student of her student stood for whole day and prayed to god with holy chants. Everyone around us was trying to convince god in one way or other. And, me. I was just fighting with him and thinking a lot with a fear of losing her. But, then I accepted and told him, fine, I am ready. Just take her away. I accepted that my mom will be no longer with me. I prepared myself for the worst, but, still striving for the best. Doctors said, just wait and watch. I had to go 2 more times to get the plasma and all. I drove again and got everything they needed. I remember I had bought 60 units in 3 hits. The hopes were still alive as I knew everyone was praying and the consultancy with US and UK hospitals were being done uninterrupted by my cousin. She also did not sleep for 2 nights.
After a breath taking 3 day life, finally on 18th of August, at 1800Hrs, I was called inside the ICU, with all doctors including my cousin around me. I was prepared for worst. While I looked at everyone’s face, my cousin put her hands on my shoulder….. I screamed……………… what happened..??? Then, I just got one voice saying, good work and temperament shown. Doctors said, your prayers have worked and your mom has shown the symptoms of recovery now. Now, they said the situation was 40% and 60% chances. I was relieved a bit. They said they would be removing the ventilator now. My god…. I drank and poured 2 liter water bottle on myself. I was crying like anything, but, I had no shoulder to cry on even. No one else knew why I was crying then. But, when doctors revealed the situation, everyone knew why I had been asking everyone to pray.
Finally, on 19th August, I remember, the anesthetist said, they would now get my mom into senses. I remember I was continuously looking at her eyes as she opened her eyes. She was just trying to analyze the situation around. Know what, when doctors asked her what’s the time. She replied confidently, night I was taken to OT, so it should be Independence Day now, the 15th of August. I laughed and said, yes mom, it’s your independence day, and we have got you back. Everyone around had smile on their faces. She said, during the entire time when she was sleeping, she was just chanting Lord Hanuman’s prayers. And, I said, Thanks God!!!!
It took her 12 days to discharge and return back home. We were happy because I had a newly born as my mom. She was all new for us. And, it was 1st of September as well, my date to join the new office. I took her blessings and started on my way to office. And, during the entire half an hour drive, I analyzed what happened in last month. I had a very genuine reason for the call I got a month back for postponing the joining. I was now happy about it. I know I would have left the services if I had joined the new office last month. And, moreover, I still have my mom with me to talk all insights of my life endlessly…….. I wish everyone’s family a happy and healthy life.
- Kapil Sharma
Monday, November 10, 2008
AFTERGLOW
I met her under neon lights. Amazed by her looks I could feel the cupid strike. It was love at first sight. I could hear the bells ringing for days together. Unable to hold my feeling I met her again. She was my beautiful girl. I felt a different sensation whenever I saw her, my heart started beating faster, butterflies in my stomach. I tried every possible thing just to impress her. I confessed my feelings to my roommates and they told its love but it wasn’t, it was way more than that; it was a feeling of togetherness, a feeling of being there for her, a feeling of doing anything to any extent just for her one smile. It was a sense of excitement, a feeling of loving someone so much, beyond boundaries. I was lost in her.
One fine day, I gathered all my courage and thought of proposing her. I covered my ass with the latest fashion and moved out of my house like a warrior. My roommates cheering me all the way. I could feel a different me riding my bike. And then I saw her, as beautiful as ever. With that mesmerizing smile of her I again got lost in her but now to make her all mine. I took her to the best place in town and started telling her about my feelings. She listened to me carefully with a smile. I could see the same twinkle in her eyes. I knew she shared the same feeling but I had to take an official answer. After I finished explaining her about me, the answer came. It was a YES. I was the happiest man on earth. I was on cloud 9. The girl I dreamt about, I thought of, I longed for was finally mine. I could see the same excitement in her but she wasn’t jumping and laughing like me and I think that’s what separates us from girls.
I was sure our destinies were written in heaven. At least mine was. I knew she was the one for me. We loved each other like crazies. We were there for each other all the time. No matter how difficult the situation was we both fought that bravely. The bond that we shared was getting stronger with each second. I was lost in her thoughts, her enchanting beauty, and her cute smile. I would dream of her even with my eyes open. We were made for each other. Our friends were happy for us and so were we. They used to praise our relation and our devotion for each other. We would understand each other even before we expressed. It was a picture perfect relationship.
But as said by someone “Every relationship has an expiry date”. So did ours. A catastrophe stuck and everything started slipping away. I could feel I was loosing control on everything I had. Of all the things worst hit was my relation. The relation that was intricately woven for years was tearing into pieces. I think both of us, and especially I was to be blamed for it. I was crumbling under pressure. Circumstances prevailing over me- I was down. I lost my sense of expression and couldn’t tell her anything. Even if I wanted to I was just quiet and expressionless. She thought I found someone. She cried and I just looked onto her. I felt that my relation, my girl everything was soon going to be a history. The people whom I called friends were no where to be seen. I was all alone, ruined, doomed. No one to hear my side of the story, no one to take my side. My friends left me blaming and cursing me. Some were genuinely hurt by our break up and some
were sadistically happy. The sarcasm was clearly visible on their faces. But among all this chaos the truth was I lost my love. I lost lady of my dreams. I lost her for ever.
It’s been a long time now since we parted. I have no idea about her coordinates. What is she doing, how is she etc. But I still stand here always thinking about her, missing her touch, her smile, her love for me. Life continued; I made new friends, met new people. Learnt lots of lesson from life, maybe in a cruel way. I still long for her, I still love her. I don’t know what she feels for me; I have no hint about what she thinks of me. I believe it wouldn’t be good. Maybe she thinks that I might be happy with my new found love or may be she doesn’t even want to think about me at all. But I do. I still love her in a way no man could ever. I still dream of her. Not even a single moment has passed without thinking of her. What ever I do, wherever I am, I miss her more than anything else. I am still living in her afterglow.
Sharat Nautiyal
One fine day, I gathered all my courage and thought of proposing her. I covered my ass with the latest fashion and moved out of my house like a warrior. My roommates cheering me all the way. I could feel a different me riding my bike. And then I saw her, as beautiful as ever. With that mesmerizing smile of her I again got lost in her but now to make her all mine. I took her to the best place in town and started telling her about my feelings. She listened to me carefully with a smile. I could see the same twinkle in her eyes. I knew she shared the same feeling but I had to take an official answer. After I finished explaining her about me, the answer came. It was a YES. I was the happiest man on earth. I was on cloud 9. The girl I dreamt about, I thought of, I longed for was finally mine. I could see the same excitement in her but she wasn’t jumping and laughing like me and I think that’s what separates us from girls.
I was sure our destinies were written in heaven. At least mine was. I knew she was the one for me. We loved each other like crazies. We were there for each other all the time. No matter how difficult the situation was we both fought that bravely. The bond that we shared was getting stronger with each second. I was lost in her thoughts, her enchanting beauty, and her cute smile. I would dream of her even with my eyes open. We were made for each other. Our friends were happy for us and so were we. They used to praise our relation and our devotion for each other. We would understand each other even before we expressed. It was a picture perfect relationship.
But as said by someone “Every relationship has an expiry date”. So did ours. A catastrophe stuck and everything started slipping away. I could feel I was loosing control on everything I had. Of all the things worst hit was my relation. The relation that was intricately woven for years was tearing into pieces. I think both of us, and especially I was to be blamed for it. I was crumbling under pressure. Circumstances prevailing over me- I was down. I lost my sense of expression and couldn’t tell her anything. Even if I wanted to I was just quiet and expressionless. She thought I found someone. She cried and I just looked onto her. I felt that my relation, my girl everything was soon going to be a history. The people whom I called friends were no where to be seen. I was all alone, ruined, doomed. No one to hear my side of the story, no one to take my side. My friends left me blaming and cursing me. Some were genuinely hurt by our break up and some
were sadistically happy. The sarcasm was clearly visible on their faces. But among all this chaos the truth was I lost my love. I lost lady of my dreams. I lost her for ever.
It’s been a long time now since we parted. I have no idea about her coordinates. What is she doing, how is she etc. But I still stand here always thinking about her, missing her touch, her smile, her love for me. Life continued; I made new friends, met new people. Learnt lots of lesson from life, maybe in a cruel way. I still long for her, I still love her. I don’t know what she feels for me; I have no hint about what she thinks of me. I believe it wouldn’t be good. Maybe she thinks that I might be happy with my new found love or may be she doesn’t even want to think about me at all. But I do. I still love her in a way no man could ever. I still dream of her. Not even a single moment has passed without thinking of her. What ever I do, wherever I am, I miss her more than anything else. I am still living in her afterglow.
Sharat Nautiyal
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Merci beaucoup!!
Sometimes somewhere in the journey called life we meet a person who helps us and leaves, never again to be seen or to be heard off. Most of you would agree with me on this and would have an instance or two to share with all. I too had such an experience not too long ago.
It was a cold winter evening in a small town in England. I was on a bus, on my way back from the office. It was a tiring day and the work was just grueling. I was still working on my laptop, just to finish as much work as possible before the next meeting. Lost in all my calculations and diagrams I suddenly realized that the bus had already stopped at my drop point. I hurriedly threw my laptop in my bag, pressed the stop request button. And just as I was about to get down the top deck of the bus I felt a push on my back and before I could realize what it was, I landed on the bottom beck, straight on my right leg. I could hear a click sound from my right knee. I felt the whole bus looking at me, my laptop still on my shoulder. I realized that I was mistakenly pushed by a gentleman from behind. I somehow limped on my left leg and got off the bus. I thought I have broken my leg and needed help. I stood at the bus stop, no living soul could be seen around. Suddenly my eyes tracked a guy about to cross the road. I shouted for help. Thankfully he heard my cry and approached for my desperate rescue. He too was from my company. I was relieved to find a connection in this land of strangers. The town streets would usually have an abandoned look after 6 pm. As I mentioned, it was a small town and not a cosmopolitan like London.
He helped me sit on a bench at the stop and tried examining my leg. He asked me to get up. While I tried like an obedient kid, I could feel a jolt of pain around my knees. It seemed as if my knee wasn't able to take my weight at all.. It was scary. We both were new to the place and had no idea about the hospital. He went to a liquor shop nearby and enquired about the hospital. He came back and asked me to take his support. We started walking down the road. I was in excruciating pain and my right leg was just useless for the moment. But I kept my courage and limped for a kilometer or so, but there was no sign of the hospital. It was already dark and freezing. I could feel the cold bite my bones. I proposed him to ask some one and call a cab so that I can at least get some quick medical attention. He showed me a bench about 100 meters away and told me to get there by the time he gets help. Those hundred meters are the most difficult steps that I remember taking in my life. Already exhausted by a kilometer of limp, another hundred meters seemed impossible. Thousands of thought started moving in my mind randomly, will I be able to make that distance, will I fall in between, shall I sit on the road itself are just few among the thousands. I prayed and told myself that there are times when one needs to be strong, one need to be positive and have faith in oneself. This was the time, I had to be strong, I need to be courageous and fight this odd too like all others. With my right leg completely in pain, I couldn’t dream putting it on the ground. My left leg had to do wonder today. I jumped a bit on my left leg and kept moving forward. In between I felt like giving up but something inside me just kept pushing me. After lot of effort and pain I landed on the bench. I thanked god, took off my bag and rested a little. I waited for my friend to come.
It was now more than half an hour since I was on that bench but my friend was no where to bee seen. I didn’t have my cell phone either so I couldn’t contact anyone. I was completely dependent on him. The time was passing, it was getting colder every minute and I was sitting on an iron bench, waiting for him to come. I was scared, what if he just got too tired and left me here and went. I didn’t know way back, had no means of communication, no one around and was very dark. Finding a help was not possible at all. I was frightened with the mere thought.
But as the hopes were fading, I saw an ambulance stop right in front of me and my friend came out of it. I was so happy, all this while he was trying to get help for me. The driver helped me inside the ambulance and we rushed to the hospital. The doctors took an X-Ray and prescribed few pain killers. They gave me a pair of crutches to walk with. My friend helped me with that and we walked back home. He also helped me buy dinner. It was now very late in the night and he was still helping me. He dropped me back home, gave me some water and even a spare sim card to make call incase of emergencies. I took his number and his name, so that I can send him a thank you note.
About 3 days after this incident I tried calling him but that number didn’t exist. I searched for his name along with the department and location in the internal office directory but no one existed by that name. I then decided to go to his house and personally thank him. I quickly took the street and reached the house that he showed me. But he wasn’t there either, in fact the lady at the house told me that it belonged to them and they didn’t rent it.
It’s been a long time now but I still didn’t hear from my friend again. He didn’t contact me either. Whosoever he was, I am very thankful to him and to the god. If he wouldn’t have been there for me, then I have no idea how ugly things would have been. This article is in memory of him, as a gesture to thank him from my heart, wherever he is now. God Bless Him.
- Sharat Nautiyal
It was a cold winter evening in a small town in England. I was on a bus, on my way back from the office. It was a tiring day and the work was just grueling. I was still working on my laptop, just to finish as much work as possible before the next meeting. Lost in all my calculations and diagrams I suddenly realized that the bus had already stopped at my drop point. I hurriedly threw my laptop in my bag, pressed the stop request button. And just as I was about to get down the top deck of the bus I felt a push on my back and before I could realize what it was, I landed on the bottom beck, straight on my right leg. I could hear a click sound from my right knee. I felt the whole bus looking at me, my laptop still on my shoulder. I realized that I was mistakenly pushed by a gentleman from behind. I somehow limped on my left leg and got off the bus. I thought I have broken my leg and needed help. I stood at the bus stop, no living soul could be seen around. Suddenly my eyes tracked a guy about to cross the road. I shouted for help. Thankfully he heard my cry and approached for my desperate rescue. He too was from my company. I was relieved to find a connection in this land of strangers. The town streets would usually have an abandoned look after 6 pm. As I mentioned, it was a small town and not a cosmopolitan like London.
He helped me sit on a bench at the stop and tried examining my leg. He asked me to get up. While I tried like an obedient kid, I could feel a jolt of pain around my knees. It seemed as if my knee wasn't able to take my weight at all.. It was scary. We both were new to the place and had no idea about the hospital. He went to a liquor shop nearby and enquired about the hospital. He came back and asked me to take his support. We started walking down the road. I was in excruciating pain and my right leg was just useless for the moment. But I kept my courage and limped for a kilometer or so, but there was no sign of the hospital. It was already dark and freezing. I could feel the cold bite my bones. I proposed him to ask some one and call a cab so that I can at least get some quick medical attention. He showed me a bench about 100 meters away and told me to get there by the time he gets help. Those hundred meters are the most difficult steps that I remember taking in my life. Already exhausted by a kilometer of limp, another hundred meters seemed impossible. Thousands of thought started moving in my mind randomly, will I be able to make that distance, will I fall in between, shall I sit on the road itself are just few among the thousands. I prayed and told myself that there are times when one needs to be strong, one need to be positive and have faith in oneself. This was the time, I had to be strong, I need to be courageous and fight this odd too like all others. With my right leg completely in pain, I couldn’t dream putting it on the ground. My left leg had to do wonder today. I jumped a bit on my left leg and kept moving forward. In between I felt like giving up but something inside me just kept pushing me. After lot of effort and pain I landed on the bench. I thanked god, took off my bag and rested a little. I waited for my friend to come.
It was now more than half an hour since I was on that bench but my friend was no where to bee seen. I didn’t have my cell phone either so I couldn’t contact anyone. I was completely dependent on him. The time was passing, it was getting colder every minute and I was sitting on an iron bench, waiting for him to come. I was scared, what if he just got too tired and left me here and went. I didn’t know way back, had no means of communication, no one around and was very dark. Finding a help was not possible at all. I was frightened with the mere thought.
But as the hopes were fading, I saw an ambulance stop right in front of me and my friend came out of it. I was so happy, all this while he was trying to get help for me. The driver helped me inside the ambulance and we rushed to the hospital. The doctors took an X-Ray and prescribed few pain killers. They gave me a pair of crutches to walk with. My friend helped me with that and we walked back home. He also helped me buy dinner. It was now very late in the night and he was still helping me. He dropped me back home, gave me some water and even a spare sim card to make call incase of emergencies. I took his number and his name, so that I can send him a thank you note.
About 3 days after this incident I tried calling him but that number didn’t exist. I searched for his name along with the department and location in the internal office directory but no one existed by that name. I then decided to go to his house and personally thank him. I quickly took the street and reached the house that he showed me. But he wasn’t there either, in fact the lady at the house told me that it belonged to them and they didn’t rent it.
It’s been a long time now but I still didn’t hear from my friend again. He didn’t contact me either. Whosoever he was, I am very thankful to him and to the god. If he wouldn’t have been there for me, then I have no idea how ugly things would have been. This article is in memory of him, as a gesture to thank him from my heart, wherever he is now. God Bless Him.
- Sharat Nautiyal
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Theology....revisited
So… I said, I failed… But, truly speaking from the depth of my heart, I did not felt it this way. Because, I did not want to loose when I knew that no one else has won the race I was running for… So, I had every possible opportunity to win her as I saw from my perspective. But, the question in my mind was still intact that why the people in college were giving sarcastic or true smiling expressions. Leave it off...
Finally, the result came. The result here was not about winning or loosing her. It was my academic result of, I guess, 5th semester. I topped again, nothing unusual in it, because by then I had become habitual to such results, and when you know how it’s going to be, you don’t tend to get much happier. This result had a very positive impact on my relationship with the lady I had fallen in love with. I started studying again…But… this time the study was not for academic gain, it was for gaining a life and adding it as an asset to my life even. She eventually chose me as her tutor… was I one? No... I did not think that way... Even you could correlate and find many situations in your life that, you are going to college even when you don’t have any classes, and even you don’t know why you are? Yes... You know why you are, because you know you might get a glimpse of her, and even that would be ok for better condition of your heart.
I remember, I took her out for shopping, One of the biggest shopping arenas of Bangalore. She was so good to understand the value of money. I know and would like to tell, she never asked me for money, usually girls expect a lot of expenses to be done on them. But, she was different. A well respected lady. I chose for her a very beautiful Yellow color suit. She refused to try that because it was too costly. But, when I insisted, she tried, and, when she came out, I was on floor. The only thing I did not have was a flower, just to tell her that she was looking gorgeous. Best among the world; I knew, I chose the best.
One fine day she told me, no, she never told anything any day… rather I asked her, if we could go for a ride or hang out together, on my lovely irony bike... Honda CD100 (it is full iron body :)) I knew, for her it will not be a question to ask herself, because even I knew she had found the person she was most comfortable with. It would had been most irony statement I had ever made to myself, but... But... This statement took me to a place, from where, I had no clue to return back. She agreed, we decided to go for a ride on Mysore road, which used to be very quieter those days. I was so damn happy, having a good looking girl as your pillion, and riding through the front of the college... Oh… oh... my god… all my friends and mates saw me passing by.. Actually, I wanted them to see… you know why, just to tell them, the race was over.. I was again over cloud 9...my favy. I thought I have won the race…. But… I did not know I was no where in the race ever!!!! Mind this….
On the ride we talked hell lot of things. I knew everything about her family, and even she knew most of it about my family as well. The respect among ourselves was growing exponentially. I took my first chance here (I did not know it was in fact the last), because I was looking best that day (as said by my flirtatious roomy) dressed up in formals. I took her to a temple on a hill near to my college. We sat on the top of the hill and talked endlessly that day for about an hour or so. I said... “I want to talk”, she was looking at me as in a questioning manner, because we had been talking for a quite long time now, sitting so close next to each other.
I was trying to prepare background scene for saying, what I had been trying for, for such a long time, about a year or so… I learnt from my roomy that you need to be damn patient and keep yourself cool whenever you seriously want to fall into a two way relationship with the lady of your dreams. Finally, I gave it a go... And, said, the typical 3 word crap. Yes, it is a crap because most of the times you don’t understand whether you mean it or not... For me the difference between Love and Lust is as thin as a fine line between truth and lie. She continuously looked or stared at me, I could not decide, while I wasted my time weeping... Seriously, I was weeping or rather crying like anything I had never before. But, I did not find her angry; rather her expressions were a blend of disappointment and respect of feelings, I guessed.
We didn’t speak for about 15 minutes, every thing was going in my mind like flash back, I could not decide whether what I did was right or wrong. I stopped my bike on the road down way back to city, I begged her, literally kneeled down on the road, just to accept my feelings. I saw some tears in her eyes as well. I felt as if something was stopping her to say what I wanted listen to. She loved her parents more than anything. Any normal person does. And, for the same reason, after a kneeling episode of 10 minutes, she said, she counts her parents ahead of me, and, for them, she said No. This was the failure, my first ever back log in the degree called “Life” I was pursuing. I knew she would say yes, I was more than confident, and, this took me way back, in fact way down from the heights of being called a “Topper”. I realized that day; I lost a game with myself. Moreover, this was just not a mere game of enjoyment. This was my game of life, for which I had put everything I had, on stake. I kept on playing, and I even couldn’t recognize how far I had come, from where there was no way back.
Just keeping a hope of a “Yes”, we dispersed. I dropped her outside the hostel. But, this drop was more than a usual drop; I was feeling as if I was leaving her for ever, with tears in the eyes of both of us. With this, I knew I had failed, but with many questions unanswered and many answered like transparency of crystals. One big question was, “whether I was worth deserving, to have her?” I did not want to think about it, as I had asked her to think for a day and then reply.
Know what, I kept on waiting, and…….. She never replied!!!!!!!! I lost her, I lost myself in her. And, this time, as said in part 1, I failed… I seriously failed. I failed twice. I failed to win her. And, moreover, I was no longer a “Topper”; I got the worst result ever in my academics. But, humans are better known and told to be Optimistic; I am optimistic, still optimistic… People say I am fool. But, I still wait for her!!!! I know she would reply one day… The person, for whom I have been waiting, and, I will be waiting for ever. I know, I had understood the difference between love and lust. I loved her, because I respected her. I still Do………And, now I know, why my mates and college guys used to smile!!!!!!
The journey still continues……………:):)
- Kapil Sharma
Finally, the result came. The result here was not about winning or loosing her. It was my academic result of, I guess, 5th semester. I topped again, nothing unusual in it, because by then I had become habitual to such results, and when you know how it’s going to be, you don’t tend to get much happier. This result had a very positive impact on my relationship with the lady I had fallen in love with. I started studying again…But… this time the study was not for academic gain, it was for gaining a life and adding it as an asset to my life even. She eventually chose me as her tutor… was I one? No... I did not think that way... Even you could correlate and find many situations in your life that, you are going to college even when you don’t have any classes, and even you don’t know why you are? Yes... You know why you are, because you know you might get a glimpse of her, and even that would be ok for better condition of your heart.
I remember, I took her out for shopping, One of the biggest shopping arenas of Bangalore. She was so good to understand the value of money. I know and would like to tell, she never asked me for money, usually girls expect a lot of expenses to be done on them. But, she was different. A well respected lady. I chose for her a very beautiful Yellow color suit. She refused to try that because it was too costly. But, when I insisted, she tried, and, when she came out, I was on floor. The only thing I did not have was a flower, just to tell her that she was looking gorgeous. Best among the world; I knew, I chose the best.
One fine day she told me, no, she never told anything any day… rather I asked her, if we could go for a ride or hang out together, on my lovely irony bike... Honda CD100 (it is full iron body :)) I knew, for her it will not be a question to ask herself, because even I knew she had found the person she was most comfortable with. It would had been most irony statement I had ever made to myself, but... But... This statement took me to a place, from where, I had no clue to return back. She agreed, we decided to go for a ride on Mysore road, which used to be very quieter those days. I was so damn happy, having a good looking girl as your pillion, and riding through the front of the college... Oh… oh... my god… all my friends and mates saw me passing by.. Actually, I wanted them to see… you know why, just to tell them, the race was over.. I was again over cloud 9...my favy. I thought I have won the race…. But… I did not know I was no where in the race ever!!!! Mind this….
On the ride we talked hell lot of things. I knew everything about her family, and even she knew most of it about my family as well. The respect among ourselves was growing exponentially. I took my first chance here (I did not know it was in fact the last), because I was looking best that day (as said by my flirtatious roomy) dressed up in formals. I took her to a temple on a hill near to my college. We sat on the top of the hill and talked endlessly that day for about an hour or so. I said... “I want to talk”, she was looking at me as in a questioning manner, because we had been talking for a quite long time now, sitting so close next to each other.
I was trying to prepare background scene for saying, what I had been trying for, for such a long time, about a year or so… I learnt from my roomy that you need to be damn patient and keep yourself cool whenever you seriously want to fall into a two way relationship with the lady of your dreams. Finally, I gave it a go... And, said, the typical 3 word crap. Yes, it is a crap because most of the times you don’t understand whether you mean it or not... For me the difference between Love and Lust is as thin as a fine line between truth and lie. She continuously looked or stared at me, I could not decide, while I wasted my time weeping... Seriously, I was weeping or rather crying like anything I had never before. But, I did not find her angry; rather her expressions were a blend of disappointment and respect of feelings, I guessed.
We didn’t speak for about 15 minutes, every thing was going in my mind like flash back, I could not decide whether what I did was right or wrong. I stopped my bike on the road down way back to city, I begged her, literally kneeled down on the road, just to accept my feelings. I saw some tears in her eyes as well. I felt as if something was stopping her to say what I wanted listen to. She loved her parents more than anything. Any normal person does. And, for the same reason, after a kneeling episode of 10 minutes, she said, she counts her parents ahead of me, and, for them, she said No. This was the failure, my first ever back log in the degree called “Life” I was pursuing. I knew she would say yes, I was more than confident, and, this took me way back, in fact way down from the heights of being called a “Topper”. I realized that day; I lost a game with myself. Moreover, this was just not a mere game of enjoyment. This was my game of life, for which I had put everything I had, on stake. I kept on playing, and I even couldn’t recognize how far I had come, from where there was no way back.
Just keeping a hope of a “Yes”, we dispersed. I dropped her outside the hostel. But, this drop was more than a usual drop; I was feeling as if I was leaving her for ever, with tears in the eyes of both of us. With this, I knew I had failed, but with many questions unanswered and many answered like transparency of crystals. One big question was, “whether I was worth deserving, to have her?” I did not want to think about it, as I had asked her to think for a day and then reply.
Know what, I kept on waiting, and…….. She never replied!!!!!!!! I lost her, I lost myself in her. And, this time, as said in part 1, I failed… I seriously failed. I failed twice. I failed to win her. And, moreover, I was no longer a “Topper”; I got the worst result ever in my academics. But, humans are better known and told to be Optimistic; I am optimistic, still optimistic… People say I am fool. But, I still wait for her!!!! I know she would reply one day… The person, for whom I have been waiting, and, I will be waiting for ever. I know, I had understood the difference between love and lust. I loved her, because I respected her. I still Do………And, now I know, why my mates and college guys used to smile!!!!!!
The journey still continues……………:):)
- Kapil Sharma
Monday, October 13, 2008
Theology
The theory of theology is something which would probably take all of you on a ride, which probably might be very interesting for all of you who understand or want to understand the illogical logic behind the story, oop, theology……
It all started during the bloomy college days, when actually I started living my life…!!!! Full of joyous and rather more of horrible experiences, I kicked off!!!! Along with a dream of becoming a so called “Topper”, I also had a dream of jelling up with people, and to search out the best person among the lot, to be called as my closest….. J…..
Obviously, I wasn’t looking for a man… I thought of a lady who would just get along and jell up with me, and would understand the feelings of a person who rarely had a bit of it… But, But…..a bit was even more for me… moving out from a remote place in Rajasthan, to a sudden rather drastically changed environment of so called IT city… Bangalore… oh...It was one of the best experiences I had so far….. Now, coming back to the search I was on for….the lady…. I believed a lot in lady luck…. That’s a different that it never happened so, and the situation was worsened when this happened to me…..
Anyways, I don’t want to remember the blues extracted out of those lovely and most prestigious moments of my life….. During the look out, I found some one who was really matching to my expectations… Was that attraction…? No No… Infatuation… No No…… Lust….Nah, nah… anyways, I just leave it all off to you all to decide, what it was... And, hopefully you will be able to pour in with your views, once you finish up the entire episode written here…… She was…. A person with humble nature… a small baby doll… Cute…. Innocent… trustworthy….
This is how I felt when I first saw her…. I was never shy with my friends, but… I don’t know, even I couldn’t figure out what used to happen to me when ever I had to face her….I just laugh, imagining myself shivering, saying.. umm..haaan…ohh…. these words?? And, me?? Never… But, unfortunately, let her stand in front of me, and all of sudden, these used to be only words in my dictionary…. I never knew I was so weak inside…. And, I didn’t even know what was happening to me!!!!!! Sometimes, I thought I found my life and many times I realized I was dreaming and nothing else….. My room mate knew it all…. And, he was even happy for me and helped me realize what I was feeling like… know what…. A very usual and common line.. But, I was in love…. I always used to rush to him like as if he was my tutor... know what; he was the most flirtatious guy I had ever met… I never knew when I started planning the script of what will be happening next… I even used to discuss with my roomy, what would be her next say and how I am going to make her feel that she is very special to me... in fact, she is the utmost priority of my life at the moment….. I still admire those days….
She eventually started responding to my feelings, and somehow I thought I was becoming imperative for her as well…. It was just my thought.. this is what the story is all about and its jest lies in this very sentence….. Oh, I forgot, Just to remind you all…. I am a leo, so it was no surprise for me of having being attracted towards someone, rather everyone.. JJ.. But, I changed a lot, gosh… how… you never know…..Back…. We used to share a loads of coffees, pufs, etc… at our so called addda… the bakery… she used to stand in the balcony of her hostel, and, a miss would be a msg for her to come down….. We talked endlessly, and what we talked, even we didn’t know the very next moment…..
Rides on bike….not usual.. But, at least for picking her up and dropping her to wherever she wanted to be….. Coffee, huh….. Know what I was so prominent among the college guys, for what I was doing…… Guys were jealous… no!!!!!… they were smiling or.. were they laughing….. I thought it was no harm…. But… But…. But…… I couldn’t understand for what it was…… I was a fool then????? Don’t know.. Again, I would leave it off to you to decide and let me know….. I just knew one thing….. I found the one I was looking for…. She understood all my feelings, I was over cloud nine…. Overnight I became so damn caring…!!! But.. know what, you would find lots of Buts in here……
But… I failed….. I seriously failed…… I failed even before my exams were over……..
Folks, keep watching this space for Part 2…… the journey continues……
- Kapil Sharma
Wonder years
Nostalgia – a feeling of longing for something in our past. Sometimes we must have found ourselves drowned in the thoughts of yesteryears. The whole feeling of visualizing ourselves in that place again is just so awesome. We all would have enjoyed our Wonder years. The best time of our lives spent in a most amazing way that we still think and feel nostalgic about.
Few days back I was taking a stroll down the street, alone just by myself. This was probably the first time I was alone in my thoughts, right under the stars, under the dark sky. Since I joined an MNC, I had been longing for some time for myself.
As I walked I could feel the breeze on my face, it was so dulcet. Suddenly I saw 2 young guys racing on their bikes and as they sped I too could feel myself speeding down the memory lanes. My friends and I use to race each other here in this street. The looser had to buy a drink for the whole gang. It was fun. As I kept walking, I came across a small rickety shop. It was the same place where I and my roommates used to have parathas and lassi. The lady here used to make awesome lassi and I couldn’t resist having a glass or two. My roommates and I used to fight about the place to sit our asses, the nearer we were to the lady the faster the serviceJ. She had a daughter who used to serve us. She was pretty and you could feel her eyes piercing down your soul. That was an amazing feeling. I bet you would never find the parathas and lassis which could take you so high anywhere on this planet ;)
I was just so happy thinking about all this that there was an evident smile on my face. As I walked a few meters I saw a billboard of a movie. As I saw the guys in the poster standing next to each other, I remembered my good old days. We too had such a cool gang of friends. We were so much in our own world that we hardly cared about anyone else. They were friends I could always rely upon. We guys used to have code names for every pretty girl. Some chick was called pataka, someone as gulabo and so on. That was crazy, I know. But it was amazing and fun. No one was able to understand our chats because of our highly cryptic code words.
We guys use to watch all possible movies we could lay our hands on. Be it English, Spanish, Korean, Chinese – languages were never a barrier for us. We would enjoy anything running on our PC as long as we were able see the visuals. Music had a completely different definition that time. We wouldn’t hear songs because we liked it but rather because listening to Rock was cool. I swear none of us understood anything that was sung or yelled but we still were the best group of headbangers in our college. We were COOL or at least that’s what we thought us to be. I still remember one of my friend preparing halwa for us late in the night because I wanted to have something sweet. Though what was served was not even close to halwa at all but all four of us had it with such a delight that it now seemed to be one of the best dish I tasted till date. We were a group, who might have looked crazies to others but were the best of pals and simply superb. We were 4 idiots J - simple, sweet, cute idiots.
But exam times were screwing. Before every exam we use to promise and take an oath to study hard for the next semester. But as soon as the exams use to get over, we were back to our normal bindaas style. How could I ever forget those bouts of coffees and late night gossips just to keep ourselves awake to study? Those small arguments and fight over which girl belonged to whom. All this seems so crazy and foolishly innocent now. I long for those simple yet beautiful days.
This was all so amazing that I can hardly express it in words. I kept walking, thinking about all this and smiling to myself. As I kept walking on the street I saw a tree on the other side of the road, still standing alone. I went up to it just to say a “Hi” to the old fellow. After all it was here that I kissed my first crush, our name still inscribed there on its trunk. That was really sweet. I didn’t know that it would still be there. I had almost forgotten about it. I could feel “Love’s Divine” by Seal playing softly in my ears. It was here that I tried to understand the meaning of love. After lots of crushes I was in love. But life is so unpredictable, what we want, we wish, we desire doesn’t always come true. Lady was a member of our gang. Though most decent among all of us but still an idiot just like us.
Now I was about to get back home. This was the best stroll of my life. I met all my old friends in my thoughts, caught up with old memories, felt my first kiss again. This feeling would sure stay with me for quite some time. I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back and have some more good time with my idiots.
- Sharat Nautiyal
Few days back I was taking a stroll down the street, alone just by myself. This was probably the first time I was alone in my thoughts, right under the stars, under the dark sky. Since I joined an MNC, I had been longing for some time for myself.
As I walked I could feel the breeze on my face, it was so dulcet. Suddenly I saw 2 young guys racing on their bikes and as they sped I too could feel myself speeding down the memory lanes. My friends and I use to race each other here in this street. The looser had to buy a drink for the whole gang. It was fun. As I kept walking, I came across a small rickety shop. It was the same place where I and my roommates used to have parathas and lassi. The lady here used to make awesome lassi and I couldn’t resist having a glass or two. My roommates and I used to fight about the place to sit our asses, the nearer we were to the lady the faster the serviceJ. She had a daughter who used to serve us. She was pretty and you could feel her eyes piercing down your soul. That was an amazing feeling. I bet you would never find the parathas and lassis which could take you so high anywhere on this planet ;)
I was just so happy thinking about all this that there was an evident smile on my face. As I walked a few meters I saw a billboard of a movie. As I saw the guys in the poster standing next to each other, I remembered my good old days. We too had such a cool gang of friends. We were so much in our own world that we hardly cared about anyone else. They were friends I could always rely upon. We guys used to have code names for every pretty girl. Some chick was called pataka, someone as gulabo and so on. That was crazy, I know. But it was amazing and fun. No one was able to understand our chats because of our highly cryptic code words.
We guys use to watch all possible movies we could lay our hands on. Be it English, Spanish, Korean, Chinese – languages were never a barrier for us. We would enjoy anything running on our PC as long as we were able see the visuals. Music had a completely different definition that time. We wouldn’t hear songs because we liked it but rather because listening to Rock was cool. I swear none of us understood anything that was sung or yelled but we still were the best group of headbangers in our college. We were COOL or at least that’s what we thought us to be. I still remember one of my friend preparing halwa for us late in the night because I wanted to have something sweet. Though what was served was not even close to halwa at all but all four of us had it with such a delight that it now seemed to be one of the best dish I tasted till date. We were a group, who might have looked crazies to others but were the best of pals and simply superb. We were 4 idiots J - simple, sweet, cute idiots.
But exam times were screwing. Before every exam we use to promise and take an oath to study hard for the next semester. But as soon as the exams use to get over, we were back to our normal bindaas style. How could I ever forget those bouts of coffees and late night gossips just to keep ourselves awake to study? Those small arguments and fight over which girl belonged to whom. All this seems so crazy and foolishly innocent now. I long for those simple yet beautiful days.
This was all so amazing that I can hardly express it in words. I kept walking, thinking about all this and smiling to myself. As I kept walking on the street I saw a tree on the other side of the road, still standing alone. I went up to it just to say a “Hi” to the old fellow. After all it was here that I kissed my first crush, our name still inscribed there on its trunk. That was really sweet. I didn’t know that it would still be there. I had almost forgotten about it. I could feel “Love’s Divine” by Seal playing softly in my ears. It was here that I tried to understand the meaning of love. After lots of crushes I was in love. But life is so unpredictable, what we want, we wish, we desire doesn’t always come true. Lady was a member of our gang. Though most decent among all of us but still an idiot just like us.
Now I was about to get back home. This was the best stroll of my life. I met all my old friends in my thoughts, caught up with old memories, felt my first kiss again. This feeling would sure stay with me for quite some time. I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back and have some more good time with my idiots.
- Sharat Nautiyal
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